Monday, June 06, 2011

Letters I should send...

Dear Diamond Match Company:

Those "strike anywhere" matches?  Aren't.


Dear Ben and Jerry's:

I have loved your flavor names before, but "Clusterfluff" just takes the proverbial cake.  Too bad it's peanut butter -- I never have liked peanut butter ice cream.

PS.  I had my first Phish Food today -- it is now my favorite flavor, eclipsing even Neapolitan Dynamite and New York Super Fudge Chunk.


Dear John Edwards:

I not only voted for you, I persuaded others to do likewise.  I cannot express how angry, disappointed and yes, cheated I feel.


And speaking of politicians I admired...

Dear Anthony Weiner:

What the hell were you thinking?  Did you honestly believe you wouldn't be found out? Aside from the impropriety of that tweet to begin with, lying about it was just plain stupid.

You should have known everyone on the far right was going to be scrutinizing your every move after you made such a splash during the health care debate. 

Progressives have enough problems without our stalwarts pulling silly stunts like this.


Dear boss-for-whom-I-would-walk-over-hot-coals:

Thank you for having faith in me.  More than I have in myself, usually.


Dear well-meaning idiot:

Do not EVER tell anyone that losing a loved one is "God's will."  Chances they are mad enough at God already.*


And, finally...

Dear Mr. Sondheim:

You are a national treasure and have made my life immeasurably richer by your words and music.  God bless you and keep you, sir.

Even if I do have to hear "Send in the Clowns" in my head for hours on end.  At least it's not the Judy Collins version.

*I have not lost anyone, but someone I talked with today, had, and gotten this response from one of their friends.

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