The uninevitability of desire

Glinda:  You can still be with the wizard, what you've worked and waited for, You can have all you've ever wanted....
Elphaba:  But I don't want it... No, I *can't* want it, any more...

In the car yesterday, I was listening to one of  my mix CDs, and the song "Defying Gravity" from the musical Wicked came on.  I  love this song, about freeing yourself to be who you are, and this small section is the part I find most intriguing.

We have a notion in society that desire -- for people, for things, for events -- simply exists.  We want what we want, and there is nothing we can do about that longing.  We can choose to "overcome" it, to suffer without the object of desire, but we still want them or it.

This passage suggests otherwise.  That people can recognize that one's desires are unwanted, unethical, immoral* or simply bad for one's peace of mind, and reject that longing.

Part of the societal belief about longing is part of what I think is a larger misunderstanding about the nature of feelings and thoughts.  (Mood, as part of a larger issue involving mental health, is a different issue.) How many times have you heard someone say "Your feelings are your feelings"?

Yes, "your feelings are your feelings" and other people should not try to change how you feel.  That is intrusive, demoralizing and infantilizing. It is an insult to your intelligence, and your sovereignty over yourself.

And those feelings have purposes.  They can be a spur to action, or a recognition of loss, allowing mourning and closure.  The anger engendered by hurt has on occasion transformed not only people, but the world.  I would not want to change that. And recognition of the pain caused by others is important.

But sometimes feelings simply get in the way of living a healthy life.  Or of acting in one's own best interests. And they can often be changed.  This is the basis of many recent developments in psychotherapy: both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy involve changing how you feel by changing how you think.

Elphaba seems to know this.  Wanting what she wants -- indeed, getting what she would be able to get -- would involve ignoring an important part of herself.  And she refuses to do that, refuses to even consider it.

The Rocket Scientist has pointed out the flip side to this.  Before she rejects her longing, Elphaba first admits that it exists.  Has to admit that it exists.  The flip side is people who never understand or admit their feelings to themselves, placing them at the mercy of things that they won't let themselves think about.  This is no more healthy than hanging on to feelings that have out lasted their useful purpose.

I have to respect Elphaba.  I have to respect letting go not just of what you want, but your desire for what you want.  Even if you can get it.

*This is clear in the context of the play.